Holding It Lightly

This week's interview is with Katherine Morgan Schafler.

Holding It Lightly

Where do you hold on too tightly?

Where might your grip be a little light, a little loose?

We all dance with the sense of being in control or not.

I remember learning early on about the sphere of influence. Imagine three spheres, nested. The inner one is what you can control. The middle one is what you can influence. And the outer one is what concerns you, even though you have no control and no influence.

We control so little. Broadly, we get to control how we choose to respond to a situation. Even that takes practice.

And yet … we keep trying to control things beyond that. Give me what I hope is a lever, and I’ll stay optimistic that I can move the world.

I come back to the metaphor of holding things as you would a small bird.

Lightly, lightly, lightly so it can stay living. Firmly, firmly, firmly so it stays with you as long as it needs to.

But, in time, you have to let it go.

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📕 My Guest: Katherine Morgan Schafler

Katherine Morgan Schafler is a psychotherapist, writer, and speaker. She has served as an on-site therapist at Google and earned degrees from UC Berkeley and Columbia University. Katherine holds post-graduate certification from the Association for Spirituality and Psychotherapy in New York City​​.

She is the author of the The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control, a book that redefines perfectionism, offering practical tools and insights to help perfectionists embrace both peace and power while releasing control and still striving for excellence.​​

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🎧  Be Your Free Self

Katherine reads two pages from Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert.

In our conversation we discuss:

• The Difference Between Self-Worth and Self-Esteem

How people often confuse self-worth with self-esteem, and the importance of unlearning that confusion.

• Perfectionism as a Universal Impulse

Perfectionism is a common impulse across different contexts, and how while "everybody suffers," not everyone heals.

• The Power of Small Connections

Healing can come from small acts of connection, with an emphasis on how even minor gestures can make a significant difference in someone’s life.

• Trusting Yourself and Following Your Pleasure

The importance of trusting oneself and following your own sense of pleasure, which is distinct from immediate gratification, helps people become who they truly want to be.

• Non-Linear Progress

Personal progress is often non-linear and can involve setbacks. And these setbacks are still part of the journey and growth process.

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